Stop Killing Yourself

This post is in tribute to Guy Fieri, but more on that later.

Has it really been a whole month since the last time I blogged? I really hope I don't let it lapse for so long ever again, because as evidenced by when I first started this, I really was enjoying writing and posting.

So why has it been so long? As at least some of you know, oh you many readers, I've just been sort of stressed out, and when I decided to start blogging, I never wanted this to just turn into my personal journal. In fact, I did draft an entry nearly three weeks ago, but out of shear frustration with myself, quickly deleted it because I was finding that I was simply too angry. I might be one, but I hate whiners, and who wants to read someone just venting. Nonetheless, let me still explain myself. This may be a particularly easy semester, but it is still my last. My last semester of law school, and most likely of school generally (as much as I'd love to go get a graduate degree in cinema or media studies) which means that I ultimately need to figure out what to do next. What does it mean not to be a student after twenty years of being one, and that's not even counting preschool? Where will I live? How will I pay rent? Will I have a job that makes me happy, and satisfies me when I have felt so dissatisfied by the legal work I have done so far? Will I be able to stay in Chicago? Will I be able to stay close to my friends, family, and everyone I love? Add in my everyday anxieties, insecurities, and my tendency to over analyze and it's no wonder that some days I wake up scared shitless. But I want to move on. I want to be able to just take things day by day, recognize the people around me that truly care about me and love me and want to see me succeed, buckle down when I need to, have fun when I can, and have faith that everything is going to work out. Wooo, I just got myself a little teary there....

So a little bit of catch up. What's happened since January 2?

Besides school starting, and the fact that at every turn they are already trying to freak every last one of us out about an exam that isn't until July (really, don't forget to actually try to pass the first time), I started back up at the AG's office. So far they've kept me busier, but it doesn't change the fact that I really don't feel very rewarded by the work I am doing. I found out that I am a twink (or I would be if I were in fact a homosexual) from a 47-year-old-pear-shaped-bear who I work with on a daily basis who has a bizarre gay crush on me, though he means well. Heath Ledger died, which had some really odd effect on me. I don't think I have been as shook up by a celebrity death since Kurt Cobain died. I really am deeply and madly in love with Emily, no matter how cliche that sounds. We might both be a mess sometimes, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. My dad moved into a smaller apartment. His moving has really provided a chance for us to bond a little more. I know I can't really count on him all the time, but it is nice to feel that sometimes we are making up for lost time. And speaking of strained paternal relationships, Lost started back up, and again, I have no clue how to even begin to rationalize what in the world is going on on that island. If only I had blogged over the past month. There's probably some great individual entries buried in that mess of a paragraph, and a lot I am missing, but so it is.

On to Guy Fieri:

My very mild obsession with The Food Network, as well as many other things food, means that I have of course viewed my fair share of episodes of Guy Fieri's Diner's, Drive-ins, and Dives. For those not familiar with the show, it is literally a show where one watches Guy Fieri slowly kill himself as he clogs his arteries with the fat and grease of small family breakfast establishments, taquerias, burger joints, barbeque pits, and any other location falling within the category of the title of the show. Watch bleached blonde Guy Fieri take a too large bite out of the offerings of whatever location he is visiting, and watch as his heart slows, his weight increases, and his face turns redder and redder from a poisonous combination of sun burn, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure. Is the man even capable of taking a small bite?

Today for lunch, my sister and I went to Smoque, a barbeque restaurant on the Northwest side that was previously featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. It's become a small tradition that my sister Emily and I visit restaurants that we see featured either on Check Please!, Food Network, LTHforum, or hear about on the SOMB. Mostly, our endeavors have focused on the kind of mission that Guy Fieri is partaking in, slowly killing ourselves by gorging ourselves on more protein than one is supposed to eat in one sitting until we feel sick, insisting we'll never do it again, and then returning for more weeks later when we find the time to do lunch or dinner again. Today at Smoque we got one sliced brisket sandwich, one pulled pork sandwich, coleslaw, and sides of mac and cheese, bbq beans, corn bread, and peach cobbler. It was delicious, and some of the best barbeque I have ever had in my life. In fact, it was so good, that we also each took a pound of meat home with us, before we proceeded to continue our other tradition of getting lost and taking the long way home. Last time we went to lunch it ended up being a 6 hour trip. This time we got it cut down to 4, including a trip to the grocery to get rolls to further enjoy our take-out barbeque. I insist that she only does it to spend more time together, bonding, but she would never admit it.